Trabia Garden

Q: Riona, do you really have time to write mini-reviews of every game you've ever played?
A: I absolutely don't.
Q: And yet.
A: And yet!

Some of these are more just reminiscences than reviews, but I've said at least a line or two about every game. Possibly. I've almost certainly forgotten about some.

For the most part these are listed alphabetically, so you can easily track down any games you're interested in, but games in a series are listed together, so, for example, 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors, Virtue's Last Reward and Zero Time Dilemma are all under Z for Zero Escape, and World of Final Fantasy comes under F. I've put a (LP) next to games I've only experienced through Let's Plays. Flash games, text adventures and electronic versions of card, tile or board games are not included.

Games I first played after originally posting this entry are marked with an asterisk.


( Thoughts on every game I've ever played, or close enough. )


I'm glad I've put this very important and necessary entry into the waiting world.

Today, I wandered onto Twitter to search for reactions to the revelation that David Cameron and Nick Clegg had poisoned the leader of another country, and then I remembered that that was actually just a dream I had. Whoops.


A listing from today's edition of the Radio Times that I rather enjoyed:

8.00 White Van Man
New series. 1/6. A surprising look at the lives and work of Britain's independent tradesmen. In this edition, welder Jim Brown has an unusual commission: to build a cage for the bondage dungeon of ex-gangland enforcer Dave Courtney. Elsewhere, Pete and Steve of the Buff Builders Handyman Service pose for their 2011 calendar and fix up TV star Annabel Giles's garden.

On the last night of Big Brother, I remember seeing very sarcastic television listings in a newspaper somewhere: something like 'the last ever episode of Big Brother, oh no, what a shame' and 'a collection of moments from Big Brother that we can't forget, no matter how much we may want to'. I wish I'd written them down.

Ooh, how about we all make up implausible television listings in the comments? Charlie Brooker is, of course, the king of this (or was until the broadcast of Touch the Truck (twenty contestants hold onto a truck! the last one to let go wins the truck! eighty hours of fun! (I'm assuming the broadcast didn't show all eighty hours)) made him realise that television had reached a point of ridiculousness at which it was impossible to parody); some of his more worksafe inventions (from TVGoHome, a very unworksafe site):

9.50pm Metal Gear Solid News
Peter Sissons hides behind a pillar and attempts to whisper all the latest current affairs stories without alerting a nearby guard.

12.15am Touch Stapleton
Members of the public queue up to stroke John Stapleton's forearm in a non-sexual way.

1.00am Haunted Painting 24
Uninterrupted live broadcast of the notorious E-bay 'Haunted Painting', offering viewers at home the opportunity to sit up all night staring into the eyes of an illustrated boy, too scared to switch off in case he inexplicably scowls at them the second they reach for the remote.

3.00pm 101 Unforgivable Farmyard Pastimes
4: Driving a tractor into a pig's face.

(I think my favourite part of the last is the fact that it's an hour and a quarter long.)

So, yes! Tell me how particularly ridiculous programmes or just programmes you wish existed would be listed in the Radio Times or equivalent! (If you're only just seeing this entry after a night out watching fireworks, it's not too late! ...in retrospect, past nine on Bonfire Night was a really bad time to post this.)

( Ramblings on Revolutionary Girl Utena. Spoilers up to the eleventh episode. )


I'm enjoying seeing all the duelists' different fighting styles. I think Touga's is probably my favourite, because mind games are such fun.

I'm up to the fourteenth episode now: the start of the Black Rose saga, and it's all becoming a bit unsettling (but still awesome!). Utena herself is still my favourite character, and I'm starting to wonder whether I should prepare a room in the 'favourite fictional characters ever' section of my heart. She reminds me a little of Yuna of Final Fantasy X (who is already happily established in the 'favourite fictional characters ever' section), but spunkier and more outspoken and with crossdressing and swordfighting. I'm not sure I can imagine a more perfect combination.

Oh, Derren Brown. How is it that a Twitter update that says nothing but 'Smug. X' can be so very endearing?

After his lottery prediction yesterday (the aforementioned Twitter update should give you some idea of how it went, and I'm looking forward to the explanation on Friday, whether he's actually going to explain it or just going to lie outrageously to us for an hour. Also, he was being adorably panicky and energetic and stumbling over his words, awww), I watched Derren Brown's The Gathering with my family.

At one point, Derren pulled a man out of the audience and gave him a pad of paper.

Derren Brown: I want you to draw something for me. But I want you to try to catch me out a little bit; don't draw anything too obvious. Don't draw a house, don't draw a stickman...
Riona's Brother: I'd draw a penis.
Derren Brown: And please don't draw a penis.

I think reading my brother's mind across time and through a television screen is fairly impressive.

Also, I cannot believe he memorised the entire London A-Z. Derren Brown, you gigantic freak. (I read somewhere (perhaps in Tricks of the Mind?) that he had been planning to memorise the phone books of every location he visited with one of his live shows, so he could tell audience members their telephone numbers from their names. I cannot remember why he eventually decided not to do this, but I am fairly certain that it was not the 'because that would be insane' reason that would sway any person with half a degree of common sense.)


Regarding the lottery prediction: there is such a strange cognitive dissonance with Derren Brown's more remarkable feats. On the one hand, one's rational brain is saying well, that's obviously impossible, there must be some simple trick behind it (and I don't believe for a moment all the things he was saying about 'legal reasons'). On the other hand, the rest of one's brain is saying oh, come on, spoilsport, can't we just believe he has magical powers?

And, of course, his act (outside the psychological tricks and memory feats, many of which I am prepared to genuinely believe in, and I think backing up his seemingly impossible tricks with the impressive-but-possible is a good part of why he has lasted for so long as an entertainer) relies on that cognitive dissonance. People who say 'well, that's rubbish, it must be a trick' are missing the point. If your standards for a stage magician are 'must have actual magical powers', I fear you'll be searching for some time. Derren Brown himself is the first to admit and the most vehement to insist that he is not psychic. But he's often good enough to make our minds fight against what we know of the world, just for a moment, in an effort to believe that something truly amazing has happened. That's the point.

And he does it all whilst being amusing and charming and inappropriately attractive, which helps.

...actually, upon rewatching the lottery prediction, I'd thought there might be a camera cut just before the prediction was announced, but no: the prediction really is in view the entire time. Hmmm. In that case, I actually have no idea how it was done.

(If you can work it out, please don't tell me. Not knowing (at least until Friday) is so much more fun.)



HERE IS A TERRIBLE PAIRING IDEA FOR YOU: Derren Brown/Psycho Mantis.

Yes.

LOOK, 'THEY'RE BOTH IMMENSELY CREEPY AND HAVE WEIRD MIND POWERS' IS TOTALLY A VALID BASIS FOR A PAIRING. And saying 'I knew you'd choose that envelope, and I'm telling you I knew you'd choose that envelope, and I'm telling you that I know you're not going to change your mind, and even knowing that I just said that you're still not going to change your mind, and you're going to be wrong' and being right about it is exactly the sort of cruel and brilliant thing I can see Psycho Mantis doing, were he to use his powers more for more-or-less-harmlessly messing with people's minds and less for causing death and destruction. YES, THIS MEANS THAT THEY ARE ROMANTICALLY COMPATIBLE. Although Psycho Mantis hates sexuality, which could cause a bit of a problem.

You know, Otacon would be sort of delightful as the Doctor's companion. He would be so fascinated by everything. (He would also be terrified, but he would never be able to leave the Doctor, on account of having fallen madly in love with the TARDIS.)

Other possible companions for the Doctor (I've posted on this topic before, of course, but the possibilities are never quite exhausted): Sora, Riku and Kairi. The trio have been planning for years to build a raft and sail away from Destiny Island together. One night, their island is overrun by Heartless and swallowed up by the darkness. Sora, Riku and Kairi are standing back-to-back-to-back on Riku's favourite part of the island, slashing ineffectually at the little shadowy creatures with their wooden swords, and just when all hope seems lost a blue box materialises before them.

Riku doesn't trust the Doctor at all; he's convinced that he is the one responsible for the destruction of their home. Sora trusts him completely, though, and Kairi, despite some initial wariness, seems to like him, so Riku rolls his eyes and steps into the TARDIS. Just to make sure his friends don't get themselves killed.

...hey, wait. This is completely unrelated to the characters-as-the-Doctor's-companion subject, but does Riku have a Nobody? (Kixur? Kirux?) Surely it would make sense. He did have the Heartless symbol on his chest in the first game, so I sort of assumed there was at least a period of being a Heartless. (I was going to say 'a period of Heartlessness', but of course the Heartless aren't heartless. It's the Nobodies that don't have hearts. In fact, Nobodies are just, er, bodies. DEAR KINGDOM HEARTS: YOUR NAMING SYSTEM MAKES PRECISELY NO SENSE.)


OTHER CHARACTERS WHO SHOULD BE THE DOCTOR'S COMPANION: DONNA NOBLE.

YES, SHE IS A CANONICAL COMPANION, BUT SHE SHOULD BE HIS COMPANION ALL THE TIME.

I love you, Donna.


Unrelatedly: yesterday, when I posted my ill-advised Captain John Hart: Team Rocket Agent manip, dracothelizard asked who his team partner would be.

The obvious answer was 'Suzie Costello'.

They've never met in canon, of course, but I have a feeling that they could make a rather marvellous team. Jack's Houndoom, Gwen's Eevee/Flareon, Ianto's Aerodactyl and Owen's Carvanha had better watch out. (Tosh's Porygon lives in the computer system, so it's probably safe. UNTIL HART AND COSTELLO INFECT THE TORCHWOOD COMPUTER SYSTEM WITH A VIRUS AND IT EVOLVES INTO PORYGON-Z, OH NO.)


On an even less related note: this morning, I received a large envelope in the post.

It contained a High School Musical paper plate and nothing else.

Most perplexing. (wanttobeatree... wanttobeatree? Was that you?)

Troy looks like a Hobbit on it and I don't know why.

More Metal Gear Solid! I am now up to the point at which Meryl opens the cargo door. Thoughts:

- Kira is obviously at work here.

- I love that the Game Over screen shouts 'YOU IDIOT' at you if you run into the wires and detonate the C4 during the Revolver Ocelot battle. I was sort of hoping for the same when I tripped the infrared sensor in the cargo hold, but instead I had Mei Ling sobbing at me, which isn't nearly as fun.

- Whilst I would love to be able to claim that I deliberately tripped the infrared sensor in the cargo hold to see the Game Over screen, I'm afraid I really am that useless.

- Speaking of the cargo hold death: that is a beautiful bit of cruelty on the part of the game designers. You trip the sensors; the doors close; the chamber fills with gas. Then the game gives control back to you. You can't do anything! All you can do is run around in helpless little circles, watching as your oxygen meter depletes. Snake will even eat rations if you have them equipped, thus prolonging his inevitable, miserable fate. That's just not nice, Metal Gear Solid.

- I really, really wish it were possible to change the camera angle without going into First-Person Mode and thus sacrificing one's mobility.

- I am also mildly irritated by the guards' apparent ability to hear the exclamation marks popping up above each other's heads. One sees you, and instantly they all somehow know where you are! Telepathic communication is cheating, guards.

- That said, I probably shouldn't begrudge the guards a bit of cheating, given that, despite their allegedly superior sight and hearing, they are incapable of spotting someone a bit too far down the corridor in front of them.

- I enjoyed the Revolver Ocelot battle quite a lot, actually. Probably my favourite part of the game so far. (This is not only because it involved the game calling me an idiot, but I'll confess that was a factor.) I was terrified that I was going to run out of bullets, though.

- My goodness, this game has some long cutscenes. I'm a huge Final Fantasy fan, and even I am daunted. It wouldn't be nearly so bad if they could be paused, but no: your options are 'skip' and 'watch', and that's it. Sometimes the telephone rings, Konami! Sometimes one simply doesn't have time for an unexpected ten-minute cutscene!

- I became very excited at the first mention of Hal Emmerich. I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM SO EXCITED BY THIS. I'VE NEVER PLAYED A METAL GEAR GAME BEFORE. I know barely anything about Otacon; why does the prospect of meeting him thrill me so much?

- Have I mentioned that I find Snake's lack of facial hair extremely confusing? From what little I'd gleaned of the Metal Gear Solid series (my sources being mostly firefly99, videogame magazines and Super Smash Bros), I was under the impression that facial hair on Solid Snake was absolutely necessary. It's a bit like stumbling across some old footage of Derren Brown and discovering that he doesn't have a goatee in it. (If you do know of any images or videos of Derren Brown without a goatee, please keep them to yourself; I don't think I would be able to cope.)

As I seem to be rediscovering old fandoms and anime, I thought I would rewatch DN Angel, which I have not seen for at least five years.

I had forgotten how much I love Satoshi and his ridiculously creepy crush on Daisuke. The poor boy! (By 'the poor boy' I mean poor romantically-doomed Satoshi, rather than Daisuke, although Daisuke does have to suffer Satoshi's rather unnerving affections.)

After watching the fourth episode (dear Satoshi: please stop pretending that you lose your hold on Krad around Daisuke because Krad is somehow 'reacting to Dark's presence'; it is because you are madly in love with Daisuke and you know it), I scrolled down a bit and thus stumbled across what is possibly my new favourite quote from a YouTube comment:

homocidal does NOT mean gay, it means you like killing people.

Oh, YouTube, you never fail to amuse and depress.


Note to self: when you're back in London, start playing Metal Gear Solid 2. After all the things I've learnt about it from browsing TV Tropes and firefly99's journal, it seems to be:

a) the most confusing game ever created, and
b) completely awesome.

From the Wikipedia article:

The storyline explores many philosophical and cyberpunk themes in great detail, including meme theory, social engineering, sociology, artificial intelligence, information control, conspiracy theories, political and military maneuvering, evolution, existentialism, censorship, the manipulation of free will and the nature of reality.

In a videogame! I can't miss this! I become terribly annoyed when people say that videogames are incapable of depth, or take an 'oh, it's a videogame, of course it's not going to have a real storyline' attitude; it'd be nice to be able to point and say, 'YEAH, WELL, THIS VIDEOGAME CHALLENGES THE NATURE OF REALITY.' (I can already say 'FINAL FANTASY X MADE ME CRY', of course, but it's always nice to have more cases for the argument.)

I am, I suspect, going to be completely rubbish at playing a stealth game, generally being more of an RPG/platformer/action-adventure person, but it wouldn't be the first time I've played a videogame purely for the themes it explores (see also: Silent Hill 2).

If you have any stories of times videogames have made you cry (er, storyline-wise, rather than out of frustration; the ending of Final Fantasy X certainly did it for me, and oh the prologue of Kingdom Hearts II, and I became a bit teary during the final boss fight in Ōkami), or times they've made you feel guilty for an action you took as a player (asdjfghfjdhsggh I'm sorry FFVI Cid I didn't know), or times you've picked up a game you wouldn't have played otherwise because things you'd heard about the plot interested you, please share! Because videogames are a legitimate storytelling medium, and it is very frustrating when non-gamers dismiss the emotional effect they can have.