Blades of Glory is pretty much the gayest film ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqoIC3GmbxY) anyway, so any slashing of that is also approved.

Zombies.

It's always time for zombies.

That... is a good point. Especially when I imagine Jeremy Clarkson lecturing me about the importance of being protected against the legion of the undead.

All I know about Chad I learned from Jensen/Jared RPF, and all I know about Prison Break I learned from you. SO HERE IT IS:

---

Scofield is not pleased with his new cellmate. It's some jumped up actor who thinks he's awesome because he was in the Gilmore Girls or whatever teenage girls are watching these days. Jumped Up Actor is also very proud of being arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour, driving under the influence and trying to buy weed from a policeman who was in uniform and a list of other things Scofield hasn't been paying any attention to. He doesn't know what deity he pissed off to deserve this.

"This place blows," Jumped Up Actor says.

"It's prison," Scofield tells him. "That's the whole point."

"I thought it'd be cooler."

There is a five minute silence, in which Scofield tries to think of ways to integrate Jumped Up Actor into his escape plan.

"Hey, by the way, I'm not going to be your prison bitch," Jumped Up Actor suddenly says.

"That's okay, I don't want you to," Scofield answers.

There's another few minutes of blissful silence before Jumped Up Actor has another question. "Do I have to join any prison gangs? 'Cause I've always wanted to be in a gang, and prison gangs are the awesomest."

Scofield decides to try to suffocate himself with his pillow, but it doesn't work.

***

The next day, Jumped Up Actor sits across Scofield at breakfast. "So, I've been thinking. This is prison, right? There's always loads of celebrities in prison. I mean, look at me. Clearly this is the best networking opportunity in the world," he declares. "Tell me, who're the other celebrities in here? Or directors or producers or whatever."

Scofield just stares at him. "You are joking."

"Shit, man, I'm not!" Jumped Up Actor insists. "Come on, that guy over there, the big guy, that is totally 50 Cent."

Scofield doesn't know who 50 Cent is, but he's fairly certain the big guy Jumped Up Actor has been pointing at isn't. "Sure. Go say hi."

Jumped Up Actor actually goes up and says hi and Scofield can hear him talking about how much he loved Fifty's latest album.

It ends with Jumped Up Actor being taken to the infirmary, and Scofield figures that he has at least got some peace and quiet out of this.

***

The peace and quiet does not last long.

"I fucking hate prison," Jumped Up Actor mutters. "And my arm is totally broken, I don't care what that doctor says."

The complaints continue for the rest of the evening, and suddenly Scofield has never been more motivated to escape out of prison.

"I'm just seeing Chad sitting in Scofield's lap."

Yeah, the whole 'I'm not your prison bitch' was just playing hard to get.

I want Chad Michael Murray/Piers Morgan, even if I don't care about either!

I hate you. I think you should have a podcast, or a radio show or something so I could just get myself committed and permanently tune into it. I just started watching prison break (like, three episodes in?) so now all this stuff finally makes sense to me. aksdlksf also I will be reading your crossover fic and probably hating you for that a lot too.


Hate =/= love. :/