Why on Earth did I write almost five thousand words of this? Who on Earth is going to read a Waterloo Road AU in which they all have daemons? I - I hope you enjoy this, audience, if you exist.


Title: Across the Road
Fandom: Waterloo Road/His Dark Materials
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Some unrequited Josh/Finn
Wordcount: 4,800
Summary: Scenes from the Waterloo Road of another universe. Josh, Tom and Finn all have a lot to cope with, and their daemons don't always make things easier for them.
Notes: This is mainly set during Josh's sexuality crisis (episodes 6.03, 04, 05) but also touches on the fire drill incident of episode 7.24.



The third day after Finn and Tessan blow into Waterloo Road like an explosion, it occurs to Josh that he hasn’t seen Tessan change. It doesn’t really surprise him. Finn seems so sure of himself; it makes sense that his daemon would have settled already.

“Is Tessan always a cat?” Josh asks, as they watch her clean her fur. It’s a cold day; Rith is perched on his shoulder as a robin, fluffed up against the breeze.

“She’s a wildcat,” Finn says, grinning. “She stopped changing when I was twelve.”

Must be nice, Josh thinks, to be that confident of who you are by the time you’re twelve. Sometimes he wonders if Rith is ever going to settle.

-
Tom knows that Josh was going to a friend’s after school – Josh didn’t specify which friend, but Tom strongly suspects Finn bloody Sharkey – so it’s no surprise when the door goes at half ten. The surprise comes when Tom heads out onto the landing, his wolf-daemon Saria padding alongside him, to greet his son.

“Hey, Dad,” Josh calls up to him, and Tom’s entire world lurches sideways because Josh is standing at the bottom of the stairs, a wildcat in his arms.

Tessan. Josh is holding Tessan. They were almost starting to look like daemon and owner, the amount Tom has seen them together over the past couple of months, but for him to actually touch her—

“Josh,” Tom says. His voice comes out rough and uneven, with shock rather than anger; at some point, he’s vaguely aware, he’s grabbed the banister to keep his balance. Saria edges closer to him. He considers going for the subtle approach, mentioning that he didn’t hear Finn come in, but there isn’t really space for subtlety in this situation; if he found his son crouching over a body and holding the murder weapon, he wouldn’t open the discussion by commenting that he didn’t know Josh owned such a sharp knife. “What are you doing?”

Tessan immediately transforms into a hedgehog, and Tom is bewildered for a moment – hasn’t she settled? – before he realises that of course it’s Rith, she’s Rith. He actually laughs with relief. It’s probably not a good sign that she’s impersonating Finn’s daemon – it hints at a level of influence Tom would be uneasy about even with better influences than Finn – but it’s a hell of a lot less worrying than finding your son’s started carrying other kids’ daemons around. Earl Kelly didn’t have any problem touching other people’s daemons; look how that turned out.

“What?” Josh asks, defensive.

“It’s fine,” Tom says. “I just thought for a moment she was Finn’s.”

Josh snorts in amusement and shudders at the same time, and Rith relaxes, becoming a chaffinch and flitting up onto his shoulder. “’Course not. I’m not weird.”

Tom hesitates. “Well,” he says, beginning to walk down the staircase, “I’d say Rith pretending to be someone else’s daemon is a bit weird.”

“She weren’t pretending,” Josh says. “She was just being a cat.”

“With the exact same markings?”

Josh shifts from foot to foot.

“Look,” Tom says, “it’s good you’ve got mates, but Finn’s a troublemaker. You can see that a mile off. I can’t stop you spending time with him, but I don’t want you trying to become him.”

-
Tom knows from catching glimpses of Josh about the school in later weeks that Rith still imitates Tessan on occasion, but she’s stopped doing it when she knows he’s around, at least. At some point, Saria assures him, Josh is bound to realise that he’s his own man, not Finn’s pet or his daemon. If Rith actually settles as a wildcat, that’s when they need to worry.

-
This weekend feels like it’s going on for ever. It’s not something Josh would normally complain about, but he just can’t think of anything to do. Right now, he’s mostly lounging on the sofa, pretending to read and waiting for Monday to show up.

He doesn’t know how he coped with the summer. Well, yeah, he does; Finn was over almost every day. He wonders what Finn’s doing now; he tried to invite him for the weekend, but apparently his parents actually wanted to know he existed for once. Lauren offered to come over instead – and why did Finn have to talk him into asking her out? He doesn’t even fancy her – but Josh managed to keep her away.

Rith curls up in his lap as a wildcat, and Josh smiles. He likes it when she looks like Tessan, even if Dad doesn’t; it makes it feel like Finn is here.

“We’ll be able to see him tomorrow,” she says.

Josh scratches her behind her ears. “Yeah.”

-
Josh knows it’s his GCSE year and he should be concentrating on his lessons, but he can’t focus at all for the first couple of periods. He’s had trouble focusing for at least a week, actually. Finn’s always been a distracting person to sit next to in school – he’s always making an idiot of himself – but lately it seems he’s somehow become a distraction even those rare times when he’s just getting on with his work.

Josh closes his eyes and tilts his head back against the bench as first break drags on, Rith flitting and swooping above him. It’s a nice day; the sun is warm, and he knows he should just be enjoying this opportunity to relax, but he can’t clear his head enough to appreciate it. Finn said he’d meet him here when Mr Mead let him go. Where is he?

Josh opens his eyes when he hears something padding past his feet. Rith leaps lightly up onto the bench with him in wildcat form, and Josh reaches out absently to lay his hand on her back, and if he took a moment to think about it he’d realise something’s not right.

But he doesn’t. He touches her just as Finn is saying, “All right, mate?”, and a jolt of wrongness shoots through Josh, so strong it takes his breath away.

There’s a moment when Josh and Finn just stare at each other. Finn’s eyes are wide. Josh still has his hand in Tessan’s fur.

Rith changes from a sparrow to a rabbit mid-flight in confusion, and at the impact of her hitting the ground Josh nearly throws up. It’s that and Tessan recovering enough to lash out at him with her claws that finally jerk him into pulling his hand away. He pushes himself off the bench and half-runs over to Rith. He doesn’t know how he manages to keep himself on his feet; his entire body is shaking.

Rith leaps up into his arms and presses herself into his chest, and Josh holds her to him, blood welling up from the scratches on his hand to stain her fur, and he tries to breathe. Part of it is just the shock of accidentally touching someone else’s daemon, but there’s also...

“Why’d you have to keep turning into her?” he demands, in a sudden burst of anger, but shouting at Rith just makes him feel worse and he buries his face in her fur. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I know it weren’t your fault.”

“I won’t do it again,” she says, quietly.

Finn walks past, shouldering him roughly, and mutters, “What the fuck, Josh.”

Josh can’t find the words to apologise before he’s out of hearing range. He just stands there for a moment, holding Rith, staring after Finn and Tessan as they disappear inside the school.

“We’ll be all right,” Rith says, eventually, and Josh knows neither of them really believes it.

He might have suspected something before, he knew something had changed, but now he knows without a doubt that he’s in love with Finn.

-
Finn avoids him for the rest of that day and the day after, which actually suits Josh fine; it gives him some time to try to deal with things, and it means the fact that suddenly every glance he takes at Finn feels like a really obvious stare isn’t such a problem. By Wednesday, though, Finn seems prepared to accept that Josh touching Tessan was an honest mistake; suddenly he’s back in Josh’s life, and Josh doesn’t really feel any closer to having anything dealt with.

Lauren is talking about how she’s been saving herself for the right person, and Finn is talking about what a lucky bastard Josh is, and everything is confusing and horrible. Rith has been hiding from the world all morning, curled up in Josh’s pocket as a dormouse.

Josh doesn’t know what to do. He knows what he wants to do, but he’s got no idea what he should do.

In the end, he kisses Finn. It’s a terrible idea.

-
Scuffles in the corridors are nothing new, but this one sounds particularly vicious, and Tom’s already running towards it before he realises that’s his son there under Finn’s fists.

“Oi!” Tom shouts, charging down the corridor. “Oi!”

Finn tries to run, but Saria lunges and pins Tessan to the floor. Finn stumbles and clutches his stomach, winded, and wheels around. He looks furious, but he doesn’t try to escape again; he can’t exactly leave her behind.

“Cooler,” Tom snarls, grabbing Finn by his collar. “Now.”

-
Tom isn’t that surprised that his son’s friendship with Finn has turned violent; it’s always felt like a matter of time. If Finn Sharkey’s daemon weren’t a wildcat, she would be a bomb. Maybe now Josh can finally start spending time with some better influences.

The atmosphere in the cooler when he’s trying to work out exactly what happened is very strange, though. It’s obvious that Finn didn’t just attack Josh for no reason, but neither of them is saying anything about it. Something illegal involved, maybe? Obviously there’s no good reason for beating up your fellow pupils, but there has to be a reason, and Tom wants to know what it is.

But then Finn snaps, and it turns out Tom didn’t want to know after all.

Your son tried to kiss me this morning. It’s obviously a lie. He’s got something going on with Lauren, hasn’t he? Besides, Josh is a Clarkson; not in name, no, but he’s still a Clarkson. Tom knows his own flesh and blood.

He asks Josh a couple of questions after he’s sent Finn out, though. Not that he’s worried. Just to confirm what he already knows.

-
“You see,” Tom says, after Josh has left, “I knew Finn had to be making things up.”

“Mm,” Saria says. She sounds uncertain.

There’s something Tom has been trying not to think about, but it keeps surfacing in his mind. The entire time in the cooler, during everything that was asked and everything that was said – Finn claiming Josh kissed him, Josh saying it was all a lie – Rith was perched on Josh’s shirt collar as a butterfly. He’s known his son long enough to know that Rith turns into insects – small things, unexpressive things – when he’s got something to hide.

But he’s also known his son long enough to know that he isn’t gay. He’s just not. Finn’s always been a stirrer; he’s just making up some stupid story to get Josh bullied. All Tom needs to worry about is making sure these lies don’t spread any further and Josh makes some better friends. It’s nothing more than that.

-
Of course, once the whole school is talking about it and Josh has a meltdown, it starts to look like slightly more than that. Tom thinks it’s just stress from the rumours right up until Josh actually says it.

“He wasn’t lying, Dad. I did kiss Finn this morning.”

Tom can’t cope with this. The twist in his chest eases a little when Josh says it was just a joke, but it’s still more than he wants to hear.

It was a joke, though. It was just a joke. A bad joke, but still. It’s fine.

“Anyway,” Josh says, “I’ve got a girlfriend, haven’t I? Can’t be gay.”

“Right,” Tom says. “Well, maybe you should concentrate on kissing her, then.”

Josh closes his eyes and says nothing. Saria is watching him carefully. She’s worried about him, Tom knows; she thinks they should stay here for a while, make sure there’s nothing else going on.

Tom leaves.

-
Cesca knocks on Tom’s door during the last lesson of the day. He leaves his Year Twelves discussing the form of Iago’s daemon – he has little doubt that their topic of conversation will change the moment he’s out of the room; he just hopes it stays away from his son – and steps out to talk to her.

“Josh didn’t come to Spanish class,” she says. “Given the day he’s had, I thought you might want to know.”

Tom presses a hand to his forehead and breathes deeply for a moment. “All right. Thanks.”

Cesca flashes him a quick, sympathetic smile and heads off, back to her classroom. Tom should probably get back to teaching as well, but he stays where he is for the moment.

“I know you’ve got something to say,” he says when the corridor’s empty, not looking at Saria.

“He seemed very upset,” Saria says.

“Of course he’s upset; the whole school’s spreading nonsense about him. People will forget about these rumours in a couple of days. He’ll be fine.”

There’s a pause before Saria replies. “Is that really the problem?”

Tom really doesn’t want to have to think about this. “You heard him. It was just a stupid joke; he said so himself.”

“Would he have said anything else, though? He knew you wanted to hear it was all nothing; you weren’t exactly making a secret of it. Rith was a butterfly again, did you see?”

“Saria,” Tom growls, pressing his hands over his face, “I don’t want to hear it.”

“I just think we need to brace ourselves,” she says. “And we need to watch out for him. If it’s true, how do you think he feels right now?”

“It’s not true.”

“All right, it’s not true.” She hesitates. “But say it was.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Tom says, letting his hands fall. “It’s not relevant, is it? He’s not gay, so it doesn’t matter.”

For a moment, neither of them says anything.

“Rith wouldn’t be a she, would she?” Tom asks. “I mean, look at Matt Wilding. His was male.”

“So was Jo’s,” Saria says. “And Kinnet was female, and I don’t think anyone could argue that Steph’s not interested in men.”

Another pause.

Saria flicks an ear uneasily, glancing around. “Where do you think he is?”

-
He can’t go back to school. He can’t face all the laughing. He thinks about pretending Rith’s settled as an elephant and so he can’t get her into the building, but that’s not exactly an act he’d be able to keep up for long; his dad’s house can’t hold an elephant either.

Not that he really wants to stay at his dad’s house. His dad can’t even look at him. So maybe he should just go back to his mum’s and start at a different school, somewhere no one knows who he is, and... get a girlfriend, or something.

The front door opens and shuts while he’s throwing stuff into a suitcase, and his dad’s voice calls, “Josh?”, and Josh tilts his head back and closes his eyes for a moment before going out of his room.

“Thought you hadn’t finished teaching yet,” he says from the top of the stairs. Rith takes a stance by his feet, bristling with porcupine quills. “Why’ve you come back here?”

“Running after you, you daft sod,” Tom says. “The school day’s not over; you can’t just leave.”

He sounds more worried than angry, which is fine because Josh is angry enough for both of them. “Yeah, well, for me it is. I can’t exactly go back.”

“Josh,” Tom says, wearily, “what are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about! The whole school’s laughing at me, and it’s not like I’m going to get any support from you when all you’re doing is wishing I was someone else.”

There’s a long, long moment before Tom speaks. “Who are you saying you are, then?”

Josh swallows, licks his lips. “It doesn’t matter,” he says. “I’m going back to my mum’s, so you won’t have to be ashamed of me any more.”

Tom stares at him. It’s the first time he’s met Josh’s eyes since Josh told him the kiss was real. “You don’t have to do that,” he says, after a moment.

“What am I s’posed to do, then?”

“Talk to me,” Tom says. “Just... tell me what you need. I can’t promise I’ll get everything right, but I promise I’ll listen.” He hesitates. “I don’t want you to go.”

“It wasn’t a joke,” Josh says. “I wanted to kiss Finn.”

Tom winces, although it’s obvious he’s trying not to.

Josh breathes out, slowly. “Still want me to stay?” he asks.

“Of course I do,” Tom says. He doesn’t hesitate, which surprises Josh. Maybe at least one of his bridges is still standing, just about. “You’re my son.”

“Then you’ll need to start acting like a dad.”

“I will. I promise. I just... need some time to get my head around this.” He manages a weak smile. “Maybe give me a bit before you start bringing hundreds of boys home.”

Josh snorts. The only boyfriend he can imagine wanting at the moment is Finn, and that isn’t exactly looking promising. “Don’t think there’s any chance of that.”

Saria pads halfway up the stairs and pauses, looking at Josh. Josh is still trying to decide what to do when Rith turns into a wolf as well – a slightly different wolf; they’ve learnt their lesson about copying other daemons exactly – and walks down to greet her, nuzzling briefly against her flank. He supposes that means he’s already decided, then. Not like Dad’s never given him any second chances.

“So what’s for dinner?” Josh asks.

Maybe he’ll be okay at school. Connor seems to be doing all right. Although Connor is good at football, and Connor probably didn’t manage to turn both his best mates against him by asking one out and then falling for the other.

He can give it a few days, at least. See how it goes.

-
School isn’t great. Lauren keeps shooting dirty looks at him, and the worst part is he can’t even blame her for it. Connor gives him encouraging smiles when they pass in the corridors, but Josh can’t look him in the eye; he’s too ashamed. Connor tried to help, and all Josh did was shout at him and shove him away. Why is he being so nice?

The person he really dreads seeing is Finn. When Josh is walking between lessons, Rith stays ahead of him, flying over the other pupils’ heads in hummingbird form, so she can keep watch; when she sees Finn coming, or the flash of a wildcat tail, she gives a warning call and Josh ducks into the nearest classroom. There’s probably no need – Finn probably wants to see Josh about as much as Josh wants to see him – but they stay on the alert, just in case.

Of course, she can’t keep watch all the time, and when Josh opens a door and nearly walks straight into Finn his mind goes completely blank for a moment. What does he do in this situation? He really hasn’t planned for this.

He’s half-expecting a punch in the face, but Finn just stares at him for a moment and then turns away.

Rith, who went through about three changes in a second when the boys almost walked into each other, switches to a blue tit and flies up to Josh’s ear. “Talk to him,” she whispers, before dropping onto his shoulder.

Josh swallows. Still, it’s not like he can mess up things with Finn any more than he already has done.

Tessan hisses at him as he approaches, and he knows the only thing saving him from her claws is the touching taboo. He takes a deep breath.

“Finn,” he says, but Finn’s already talking over him.

“When you touched Tess,” Finn says, tightly. He doesn’t look at Josh. “That was on purpose, was it?”

“No! ’Course not!”

He doesn’t look convinced.

“I’m not some kind of psycho,” Josh says. “I wouldn’t touch her on purpose, even if I did fancy you.” He hesitates. It’s got to be worth a try; it definitely can’t make things worse. “And, for the record, I don’t.”

Now Finn does look at him. “You kissed me.”

There’s not a lot he can say to that, really. “Yeah, okay, I did. But I weren’t going to lock you up or anything. I just wanted to know if I’d have a chance.” He gives a shrug that probably doesn’t look as casual as he wants it to. “Then you beat me up and stopped talking to me, so I thought, you know, maybe not.”

Finn is still looking sullen and wary, but when Josh looks down at Tessan he sees she’s retracted her claws, and that gives him the courage to go on.

“I’m still me,” he says. “If you wanted to be friends before, it shouldn’t make any difference if I’m gay. If you can’t accept me as I am, I don’t need you. And I’ll get over you. It’s not like Rith’s settled as you or anything.”

Finn actually laughs, then, and Josh stops talking. “Can you imagine how your dad would feel about that?”

Josh watches him, carefully. Is this just... having a chat? Are they friends? “He’d go mad. He already thinks we spend too much time together.” Considering everything his time with Finn has led to, maybe his dad was right all along.

Finn smirks a little, but the expression quickly drops. Josh is ready to run if he has to, but it doesn’t feel like Finn’s going to attack him, at least.

“Okay,” Finn says, after a pause. “You say you didn’t mean to touch her, I’ll believe you.” His gaze drifts to Rith, still sitting on Josh’s shoulder as a blue tit. “But I think we need to make things fair, don’t you?”

It takes Josh a moment to realise what he’s saying, and when it hits him he takes a step back without thinking. Rith flits down from his shoulder and onto his wrist, the better to stare at Finn.

“What,” Josh says, “really?”

“Yeah,” Finn says. “Why not? You touch my daemon, I get to touch yours. Or are you the only one who’s allowed to break the rules?”

“I didn’t think it was all right, what I done. I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought she was Rith.” He hesitates. “Does this mean you’ll talk to me again, though?”

“I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?”

“You know what I mean.”

“We’ll see, yeah?” Finn says. He holds out his hands. “So let’s find out if you trust me.”

Josh has no idea what to do. If there’s a chance he can patch things up with Finn, though...

He tries to remember what touching Tessan felt like, tries to brace himself for that, feeling hopeful and terrified and maybe a bit excited. Rith catches his eye and cocks her head, silently asking a question; Josh hesitates a moment longer, glancing around to make sure there’s no one to see, then nods.

Rith flutters into Finn’s cupped hands.

Josh knows it’s coming, but he still gasps. It’s worse than when he touched Tessan; it’s like Finn has worked his hand between Josh’s ribs and closed it around his heart and now he’s just standing there, deciding whether to let go or rip that heart straight out of Josh’s chest. This is how Finn must have felt before, Josh thinks. He doesn’t know how to feel about that.

Finn strokes Rith’s feathered head with the tip of a finger, keeping his eyes on Josh. Josh stands there in silence, feeling too hot and too cold at the same time, every muscle in his body tense, and he watches Rith and he prays that Finn won’t hurt her.

“I can’t believe you actually let me do that,” Finn says eventually, with a slightly shaky laugh. He holds his hands out to Josh; Rith darts instantly up onto Josh’s shoulder.

Josh stares at Finn, feeling shaken and relieved and a little less close to being over him than he was before.

“Okay,” Finn says. He rests an arm on Josh’s Rithless shoulder and smirks at him. “S’pose we’re even.”

He’s still feeling a little weak, but suddenly Josh finds it very difficult not to smile.

-
Rith stays as a blue tit for a long while after that. After a couple of days without her changing, Josh starts to wonder whether she’s settled. He asks her about it.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I just... don’t want to change. Is that settling?”

It’s bad enough having the whole school know you’re gay without your daemon settling as something with ‘tit’ in the name, but if this is what Rith is going to be from now on, Josh thinks he’ll be okay with it. She likes flying, so he’s glad that’s still something she can do. And at least she’s not a fish or a slug or something so big he can’t really go anywhere.

Three months later, though, Josh wakes to find Rith stretched out across his bed as a panther and knows he’s over Finn.

-
He can’t find Josh. He moves from classroom to classroom, calling out his name, but there’s no answer. Saria is trying to pick out his scent; she’s obviously having trouble, though, given the hundreds of people who pass through these corridors every day. Maybe he should have stayed to find out more, but he couldn’t have waited if you’d paid him; he saw the blood on Finn’s shirt and heard whose it was and he was off running as if the fire were real.

What is Josh playing at? Is he still smoking? Wouldn’t be the first time he’s broken a promise, but Tom can’t believe it, somehow; that dealer’s been arrested, for one thing, and Nikki reckons Josh’s problem was just as much an addiction to the boy as it was to the drugs.

Finn Sharkey and drug dealers. Tom needs to have a good long talk with his son about his taste in men. Of course, he has to find him first.

Nikki jogs up to him, her mountain-lion daemon running alongside her.

“Where is he?” Tom asks.

“There’s blood on the staircase,” she says.

-
There’s a strange noise coming from one of the English classrooms upstairs, a stifled sobbing overlaid with something else. Tom hurries in and stops in his tracks, bewildered.

For a moment, Tom can’t work out what he’s looking at, and then he realises it’s Rith, standing on top of a desk and changing forms so fast she’s just a blur. His relief at finding her is quickly overtaken by fear; he’s never seen a daemon behave like this before, and it terrifies him.

“Rith,” he says.

“Dad?” Josh asks from behind him, his voice thin and unsteady, and Tom whips around.

Josh is sitting huddled against the wall, tears drying on his cheeks and blood staining his shirt cuff. Something in Tom’s chest is wrenched sideways. Saria makes a low, unhappy noise.

Normally, when Josh is this upset, Rith would be cuddled up to him. But Rith is still changing uncontrollably, and Josh looks very alone.

Tom crouches in front of him and takes Josh’s injured hand in both of his own. Josh is shaking.

-
Nikki brings a first-aid kit, and Tom gently cleans the blood off Josh’s hand and bandages his cuts. He tries asking a few questions, but Josh doesn’t seem to have any idea why he panicked or what he thought he was doing. Half the time he doesn’t seem aware that he’s been asked a question at all. He does seem steadier now than he was when they found him, though. It’s not saying a lot, but it’s something.

Tom looks over his shoulder. Saria has leapt onto the desk and pressed up against Rith; Rith seems to have calmed down a little as well, or at least she’s stopped changing, her face buried in her tiny mouse paws.

What makes a daemon act like that? It can’t be anything good.

Absurdly, his mind brings up the fact that a couple of years ago he was worried about his son’s sexuality, and he almost wants to laugh. Right now, he’d happily erase all the progress he’s made and go through that crisis all over again. This, this is frightening.

But he tries to keep his thoughts off his face; Josh has to be scared enough as it is without his dad making it worse.

“We’ll handle this,” he says, turning back to Josh. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together, all right? All four of us.”

It might even be true.