A while ago, there was a meme along the lines of 'arrange all the characters you have icons of in alphabetical order, pair them up accordingly, talk a bit about the pairings that result' going around. And, y'know, why not?

Listed in alphabetical order by first name. I've omitted poor old Dumbledore, because I didn't have an even number of characters and I'd really prefer not to have to consider Albus Dumbledore/Allison Cameron. Yes, I'm a shameless cheater.


Allison Cameron/Daniel Jackson - THIS WOULD BE ADORABLE. ADORABLE. Provided that it is the Cameron from the first couple of series and not the distressingly unlovely Cameron from Series Three. And, er... hang on, this is basically Cameron/Chase, isn't it? Except with aliens.

Gene Hunt/Greg House - Oh, good Lord. The Universe could very well implode from the sheer glorious concentration of bastardliness. They would despise each other, but damned if they're not going to have sex anyway. Gene would not be gentle with House's leg.

Harry Potter/Hermione Granger - A perfectly pleasant pairing given a horribly bad reputation by insane fans, alas. I don't really 'ship any Harry Potter characters at all, but if I did I'd probably rather like Harry/Hermione/Ron.

Ianto Jones/Jack Harkness - OH, COME ON. You have a fantastic character who can be paired up with absolutely anyone you could ever think of ever, and you have to go for the canon pairing. I hate you too, meme.

Jack O'Neill/James May - Oooh, this could be intriguing. Jack would probably be terribly frustrated by May's technical explanations, but that would be part of the pairing's charm. May could be a fairly good Stargate agent, actually. Unlike the other two. Somebody should write that fic.

James Sunderland/James Wilson - Well, why not? They both have severe Issues regarding women. They both have hidden depths of insanity. They would both have a horrible time in Silent Hill. I think, if this pairing were to work, they'd probably need to meet in Silent Hill and start working together, trying to find a way out. James Wilson would become very, very disturbed by how much sense this obviously insane man occasionally made to him. They would see the same monsters.

Jeremy Clarkson/John Dorian - I think I actually wrote a one-sentence fic on this for newbie1990. Let's see whether I can dig it up, because obviously I am too lazy to say something new about it.
"If one more person on a motorbike or a scooter or whatever that is ends up in my hedge--" Jeremy ranted as he dragged the offending hedge ornament to his feet - and then the young man stumbled and clutched at Jeremy's arm and stared up at him, and Jeremy was suddenly so absurdly reminded of Richard that he cut himself off and channeled his shouting-at-idiots energy reserve into making sure he wasn't hurt instead.

Kairi of Kingdom Hearts/Maria of Silent Hill 2 - OH MY GOD, MAYBE MARIA IS KAIRI'S NOBODY. I mean, she's not. You know she's not. But the idea is in your head now, isn't it?
Right! Kairi is unconscious for much of the first game; let us say she was going through Silent Hill in her mind. Because we can. And then she meets Maria - er, yes, could be a problem there. Yes. I'm not sure this pairing could work, because I don't think there's any conceivable way for them to meet. I realise this applies to quite a lot of pairings here, but it applies especially to anything involving Maria.

Ninth Doctor/Oz Clarke - WORST COMPANION EVER. I DO NOT WANT MY DOCTOR WHO EPISODES TO REVOLVE AROUND THE WINES OF DIFFERENT GALAXIES.

Perry Cox/Richard Hammond - With Richard as the new intern who's determined to stand up to Dr. Cox, and their developing a sort of relationship based on grudging respect and insulting each other? I can see it, sort of. It's somewhere between a more equal JD/Cox relationship and a less affectionate Clarkson/Hammond one. (Look, Clarkson and Cox, you're too similar to just swap partners for this meme! That's cheating!)

Riku of Kingdom Hearts/Robert Chase - Er? I cannot even begin to envisage this. How would they interact? Their concerns and lives are so utterly different. What on Earth can I say about this? I suppose it could be pretty? They don't really aesthetically complement each other, though. FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, PAIRING, CAN'T YOU WORK ON ANY LEVEL?

Ron Weasley/Rose Tyler - This could actually be really incredibly cute! Until, y'know, Voldemort's followers started pursuing them because they don't approve of Ron sullying one of the last pureblood lines with a Muggle (...all right, how did I manage to misread my own typing as 'Moogle'? I'm not sure they'd approve of Ron having a relationship with a Moogle, either). But then Rose would call in the Doctor, and they would all have adventures through time and space. Ron could be like Mickey! Except, you know, a wizard.

Roy Mustang/Sam Carter - It's been quite a while since I watched Fullmetal Alchemist, but Sam is not entirely un-Riza Hawkeye-ish, is she? She would probably not be terribly impressed by Roy's dream of having all the women in the military wear short skirts, but maybe it could work. The relationship, not Roy's plan.

Sam Tyler/Selphie Tilmitt - The unlikely new member of the police force proves to be almost terrifyingly cheerful, utterly unaffected by the sexism rampant in her workplace and a remarkably good shot. Sam finds himself oddly intrigued. When she explains matter-of-factly that she's from another world and was thrown into this one by something called 'time compression', he's even more interested. Somewhere along the line, he manages to confuse 'pinning all his hopes on someone' with 'infatuation'. Then she decides that she is going to organise a policeman's ball, and everything goes horribly wrong.

Sora of Kingdom Hearts/Squall Leonhart - People actually write this, apparently? It is not something that I really understand. Sora would say something about the Power of Heart and give that lunatic grin of his, and Squall would be silent for a moment, then excuse himself and go to do whatever the Squall equivalent of sobbing in a corner is.

Top Gear Dog/Withnail - OH GOD HOW CAN I ACTUALLY SEE THIS HAPPENING? Withnail would have to be very, very drunk. HORRIFYINGLY, THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM. 'It's a dog! What's it doing here? Come here. Come on, come over here, you idiotic dog. You, watch this.' I AM NOT GOING TO THINK ABOUT THIS.