I'm a young woman on Livejournal. I see my friend's posted a series of adverts, so I check them out, and I'm laughing so hard I wreck your car.

Somehow.

Despite being in my room.

Why is your car in my room, anyway? That's just asking for trouble.


Here's a meme I haven't done in a while!

- Write a list of characters and number them.
- Input the number of characters into this random number generator as the maximum and generate two numbers.
- Ramble about how the corresponding pairing/partnership/general interaction would (or, indeed, wouldn't) work. Perhaps write a snippet/one-sentence fic for it if you're feeling brave.
- Repeat to your heart's content.

(Although I haven't actually done this meme in over a year, I've kept my numbered list and continued to add characters to it as new ones enter my awareness and my affection, hence frankly ridiculous numbers like 143 cropping up in here.)



107/76: Jeremy Usborne (Peep Show)/Gary Oak (Pokémon)

Oh, I can see Jeremy being convinced that he's going to be the greatest Pokémon master there ever was, despite being unable to beat the kid with a Weedle who lives two doors away. Jeremy has heard that Gary is the best trainer from Pallet, and so he challenges him! Gary utterly humiliates him and laughs! Jeremy, burning with shame, hires Super Hans to mess him up! This isn't going to end well. Then again, Gary has his Pokémon to protect him, so I suppose he could get through this un-messed-up, if a little shaken.

The idea of Super Hans in the Pokémon universe distresses me quite a lot. The two are simply not compatible.


85/141: Arnold Schwarzenegger (er, reality)/William Brown (Just William)

...

...why did I put Arnold Schwarzenegger on this list?

The only scenario I can think of here is a film adaptation of the William stories in which William is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger without explanation. He is the convincingest eleven-year-old boy. I would rather like to see Mr Schwarzenegger in a schoolboy's cap and too-small school uniform (because it would amuse me, I should clarify, rather than for fetishistic reasons).

That or a new Arnold Schwarzenegger film, in which Schwarzenegger's terrorist-foiling is somewhat impeded by the fact that his sidekick is a sullen child who fights with a homemade catapult.


129/79: Kurt Hummel (Glee)/Silent Hill (Silent Hill)

The monster screams – it’s a high F, and Kurt knows this because his mind apparently thinks informing him is more important than actually making his legs move, why can’t he run – and lumbers toward him, and Kurt just stands there, frozen, pinned to the spot as if someone’s driven a nail through each of his designer boots.

And then it’s upon him, grabbing his shoulders in its oversized fingerless hands. It smells of sweat and its slimy, misshapen face is pressed against Kurt’s and even though it doesn’t have any mouth that he can see Kurt has a sudden vision of it tearing his lips off with its teeth –

and then there’s a BLAM and Kurt jerks back, thinks for a wild moment that he’s been shot before he realises that the shudder that ran through him was from the monster’s spasm, and as the monster slumps to the ground it takes him a moment to process what he’s seeing.

Blaine is standing there, the sleeves of his Dalton blazer rolled up over a bloodstained shirt. He is holding a shotgun.

Kurt, shaking all over, manages to take a few unsteady steps back from the corpse before he falls to his knees and retches. He’s ruining the knees of his pants, some part of him registers vaguely, but for once he doesn’t care.

(Yeah, so the meme managed to hit upon something I was actually writing! The above is an extract from the fic-in-progress. I'll leave you to decide how heavily 'bloodstained gun-wielding Blaine is hot' factored into my decision to cross Glee over with Silent Hill.)


42/73: Sherlock Holmes (original Arthur Conan Doyle stories)/Mulan (Disney's Mulan)

...wow, it's tricky to get these two into the same location. Even if I handwave Holmes into Ancient China, I can't see him going anywhere near the army. Perhaps there has been a murder within the ranks and Holmes is called in to investigate? And he swiftly realises that Mulan is female and gets distracted from the rather pedestrian power-struggle killing because he's more intrigued by her motives in joining the army. They have conversations in which he toys with her by implying that he knows her secret and she is wary and resentful! She doesn't quite know what to make of the fact that he doesn't betray her to her commander! AND THEN THEY SET UP A CROSSDRESSING DETECTIVE AGENCY TOGETHER OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW.


9/77: Castiel (Supernatural)/Luxord (Kingdom Hearts II)

Come to think of it, there are actually curious parallels between the Nobodies of Kingdom Hearts and the angels of Supernatural. I can see Castiel and Luxord working together. Luxord, with his obsession with gambling, is regarded as a bit of an oddball by the rest of the angels. He plays games with the lives of the humans they're supposed to be observing, because that's what he does. Castiel is bemused by his conduct, but then again Castiel is bemused by most things.

I've just realised that this is basically that Derren-Brown-and-Castiel fic I never finished. FURTHER PROOF THAT LUXORD IS DERREN'S NOBODY: I WRITE THEM INTO THE SAME SITUATIONS WITHOUT CONSCIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT IT.


48/143: Troy Bolton (High School Musical)/Josh Stevenson (Waterloo Road)

Oh, my goodness, Josh finally gets a boyfriend and it's Troy Bolton. Neither of them is totally sure about how this having-a-boyfriend thing works. Troy sings a lot about his sexual confusion. Finn tries to sabotage their relationship because, even though he doesn't want a romantic relationship with Josh, he resents no longer being the centre of Josh's attention. Someone write this immediately. I'll wait.


111/25: Winry Rockbell (Fullmetal Alchemist)/Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)

THIS WOULD BE ADORABLE. Kairi and Winry are fed up with their surrogate brothers running off and having adventures without them; they are going to have their own adventure. They work together to scale waterfalls! They have ferocious arguments and throw things at each other! They fall asleep on each other's shoulders! Kairi takes out Heartless with her Keyblade; Winry builds clever contraptions to make their adventuring easier. I'm imagining them in the Tarzan level from the original Kingdom Hearts, for some reason.



Finally: have you always wanted to see strangely adorable zombie ultraviolence set to an upbeat Japanese pop song? zarla knows you have, and she has provided. (She's made an entry about it here, if you'd like to learn about some of the detail that went into it or leave her a comment.)