How to Control a wikiHow Addiction.
Aug. 10th, 2018 02:33 pmLate last year I leafed through a scrapbook my grandfather kept, which was full of newspaper clippings about ghosts and letters saying 'HEY I SAW A GHOST AND I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO KNOW.'
My favourite discovery: he'd sent a letter to a student (he was an Oxford don) saying 'HEY I HEARD YOU SAW A GHOST, TELL ME ABOUT THE GHOST, HERE IS A LIST OF SIX QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS GHOST, PLEASE RESPOND BY MONDAY.'
I can't get over the 'please respond by Monday'. I can understand being interested in a ghost sighting, but it's hard to imagine urgently needing details of a ghost sighting, unless you're actually being haunted by this ghost and trying to escape.
(He also had a book of road maps of Great Britain, and he'd stuck hundreds of tiny paper arrows into it to mark the site of every ghost sighting he'd ever heard about. Was... was my grandfather John Winchester?)
Here are some great titles of actual wikiHow articles:
- How to Breathe
- How to Start a Cult (under 'Warnings': 'A religion is not like a gang, you cannot go off and shoot people or else you will get arrested.')
- How to Be a Twilight Addict (step eight is 'Always talk about Twilight', and the warnings section includes 'It's okay to talk to the cast of Twilight, but don't hurt them. Security will stop you.')
- How to Sleep Naked (this article has thirteen steps and a quiz, just to make sure you're fully qualified to take your clothes off and get into bed before you attempt it, and if you're a teenager who wants to sleep naked it thinks you should ask your parents for permission)
- How to Awaken Your Inner Tamagotchi Obsession (step eleven is 'bring your Tamagotchi into the shower')
- How to Prepare a Pop Tart ('Do not be alarmed when you open the package and see two Pop-tarts, it is perfectly normal to see two.')
- How to Pronounce Meme: 7 Steps (with Pictures)
- How to Cook Lasagna in Your Dishwasher (the questions section includes the question 'Why would I do this?'; the answer is 'This is a good solution for people who don't have ovens.' All the many people who lack ovens but nonetheless have dishwashers. Also, it's gone now, but the first time I read this article there was the question 'What do I do if I open the dishwasher and the lasagna has disappeared?' under the heading 'Unanswered Questions')
My favourite discovery: he'd sent a letter to a student (he was an Oxford don) saying 'HEY I HEARD YOU SAW A GHOST, TELL ME ABOUT THE GHOST, HERE IS A LIST OF SIX QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS GHOST, PLEASE RESPOND BY MONDAY.'
I can't get over the 'please respond by Monday'. I can understand being interested in a ghost sighting, but it's hard to imagine urgently needing details of a ghost sighting, unless you're actually being haunted by this ghost and trying to escape.
(He also had a book of road maps of Great Britain, and he'd stuck hundreds of tiny paper arrows into it to mark the site of every ghost sighting he'd ever heard about. Was... was my grandfather John Winchester?)
Here are some great titles of actual wikiHow articles:
- How to Breathe
- How to Start a Cult (under 'Warnings': 'A religion is not like a gang, you cannot go off and shoot people or else you will get arrested.')
- How to Be a Twilight Addict (step eight is 'Always talk about Twilight', and the warnings section includes 'It's okay to talk to the cast of Twilight, but don't hurt them. Security will stop you.')
- How to Sleep Naked (this article has thirteen steps and a quiz, just to make sure you're fully qualified to take your clothes off and get into bed before you attempt it, and if you're a teenager who wants to sleep naked it thinks you should ask your parents for permission)
- How to Awaken Your Inner Tamagotchi Obsession (step eleven is 'bring your Tamagotchi into the shower')
- How to Prepare a Pop Tart ('Do not be alarmed when you open the package and see two Pop-tarts, it is perfectly normal to see two.')
- How to Pronounce Meme: 7 Steps (with Pictures)
- How to Cook Lasagna in Your Dishwasher (the questions section includes the question 'Why would I do this?'; the answer is 'This is a good solution for people who don't have ovens.' All the many people who lack ovens but nonetheless have dishwashers. Also, it's gone now, but the first time I read this article there was the question 'What do I do if I open the dishwasher and the lasagna has disappeared?' under the heading 'Unanswered Questions')