Just over a week ago, culf posted an entry speculating on how some of her favourite characters would fare in the Hunger Games. I found this idea interesting, and so I used a random number generator and a numbered list of characters from various fandoms to generate a set of tributes. The results:


Madeleine Hightower (The Mentalist)
Rin Tezuka (Katawa Shoujo)
Candace Flynn (Phineas and Ferb)
Teresa Lisbon (The Mentalist)
Rainbow Dash (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Grace Van Pelt (The Mentalist)
Oerba Yun Fang (Final Fantasy XIII)
Applejack (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Donna Noble (Doctor Who)
Mulan (Disney's Mulan)
Samantha Carter (Stargate SG-1)
Allison Cameron (House)

Tidus (Final Fantasy X)
Jeremy Usborne (Peep Show)
Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)
Sam Tyler (Life on Mars)
Professor Layton (Professor Layton)
Finn Sharkey (Waterloo Road)
The Master (Doctor Who, John Simm incarnation)
Brett Aspinall (Waterloo Road)
Dr Perry Cox (Scrubs)
Bobby Singer (Supernatural)
Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
Josh Stevenson (Waterloo Road)


(One of the characters the random number generator fell on was actually the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube from Portal. I didn't include it. Those things are hardy; nobody else would have stood a chance!)

I'm going to envision the arena here as the actual arena in The Hunger Games. Characters are stripped of any special abilities they might have (the Final Fantasy characters can't use magic, for example, and Iroh can't Firebend). Below the cut are some thoughts on what might transpire. culf detailed how and in what order everyone would die. I haven't done that here; there are some vague thoughts on who would kill whom, but these are really just scattered ideas about how each character would cope.



If I had to bet on the victor of these Games, I'd put my money on Fang. Her weakness is that she's not a big strategist, I suspect; she's fond of the HIT THE THING technique. But she is very, very good at the HIT THE THING technique, and she knows how to survive in the wilderness.

The Master might be a contender, but I don't think he's big on physical fighting. Let's say he's not allowed any regenerations. He still has his technological knowledge, though; if he manages to tinker together a laser screwdriver from the contents of the Cornucopia, everyone's in trouble.

I imagine the Master and Fang do most of the actual killing. Fang is quick and practical about it; the Master is more sadistic and likes to linger, which makes him the target of most of the characters who have both fighting ability and morals. (I'm going to be really vague about how the Master kills people, though, because I have no idea what sort of weapon he would use.) Bobby might have done some killing in his younger days, but he knows he ain't gonna get out of this one; might as well go down with his conscience clear.

Sam Tyler probably kills, actually. He doesn't exactly hunt, but if an opportunity to kill presents itself he'll take it. He survives for a while, but Lisbon eventually takes him down, having mistaken him for the Master. She's backed up by Van Pelt and Hightower; I like to think they'd form an alliance. They're used to watching each other's backs.

Jeremy Usborne gets blown up by the mines before the Games begin because he wasn't really listening when it was being explained that he had to wait sixty seconds before stepping off his platform. Tidus runs straight for the Cornucopia and is taken out by Fang. Candace panics and runs around in circles until the Master kills her.

Donna climbs up onto the Cornucopia and loudly implores everyone to refuse to play the game; maybe they can find a way out of this if they all work together. The Master kills her mid-speech, rather shattering any hope that they can all trust each other.

Everyone is expecting Rin to die first, but as it turns out none of the other participants are arseholeish enough to go for the girl with no arms, with the exception of the Master, who spares her because the idea of her starving to death on account of being unable to hunt amuses him more than killing her outright. She manages to catch some fish with her feet, though, and Van Pelt shares a bit of food with her; she manages to survive for much longer than anyone thought she would.

Brett Aspinall falls apart in the arena. He's smart and a good talker, but he's not cut out for fights to the death, and I think all his cockiness would drain away in a situation like this. He might make a couple of attempts to outwit his opponents, but he wouldn't be able to stop himself from panicking. When the Gamemakers drain every water source but the lake, trying to drive all the participants into the same space, Brett is too afraid to go; he ends up dying of thirst.

Professor Layton thinks this entire setup is outrageous and refuses to have any part in it. He doesn't last long.

Dr Cox spends his entire time in the arena ranting aloud about the Capitol and the entire concept of the Hunger Games, on the off-chance that some of it might actually be broadcast. Fang takes him down, half because she intends to win and half because she's fed up of hearing him.

Cameron agonises over whether providing medical care to the injured would be the right thing to do. On the one hand, she obviously feels that she should help the injured; on the other, if only one person can ultimately survive, isn't it just prolonging the horror? I can't decide which stance she would ultimately take, but I'm leaning towards 'trying to help people'. Which means, of course, that the Master will either kill her or keep re-injuring the people she treats and sending them back to her for his amusement.

I was initially going to suggest that Squall would focus on taking out the Master first, trying not to think too much about what he was going to have to do after the Master came down, but on further consideration I think he might just leave the Master to it. Squall's quite a calculating, practical person. Obviously it's not a desirable situation, but if only one person can come out of this alive, best to leave the big killers in play as long as possible so they reduce the playing field and wear themselves out.

Sam Carter mainly concentrates on survival, but she does try to go after the Master once it becomes clear that he's killing everyone in sadistic ways; that's probably her downfall.

Finn and Josh encounter each other in the woods whilst running away from Fang and the Master, respectively. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Josh grabs Finn's wrist and drags him into a concealed ditch beneath a fallen tree trunk. They lie there pressed together, trying not to breathe audibly, waiting for the danger to pass, each wondering whether the other is going to kill him. When it's safe to emerge and nobody's received a knife in his back, they conclude that they can probably trust each other and team up. One cold night, though, when Josh is sleeping, Finn starts a campfire; Josh wakes up, freaks out and tries to put it out, but the Master has already found them.

Mulan conceals herself in the trees and hunts for food, which she occasionally shares if she sees someone who seems non-murderous and in need. Sometimes she heads to the boundaries of the arena and tries to work out a way she and the other tributes can break out, without success.

Iroh kills nobody, makes no effort to conceal himself and inexplicably survives until the final confrontation, which essentially just consists of Fang saying, 'Sorry, old man,' and stabbing him through the heart. The Capitol is furious. So unspectacular!



I've just realised that I haven't mentioned Applejack or Rainbow Dash at all. I JUST CAN'T PUT THE BRIGHTLY-COLOURED TALKING PONIES INTO THE HUNGER GAMES ARENA. I CAN'T DO IT. I don't want them to be killed. I thought at first that perhaps they could kick the Master to death, but I don't want that either. It's just wrong. They do not belong in the Hunger Games world.